you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
