dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
