it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
