This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
