we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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