accomplished twins. life is a go
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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