I'm so fucking centered right now
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
