Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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