i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
