we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
