dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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