whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
