from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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