If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she woke up with a sticky ear
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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