I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
