Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
