i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
