I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
