she smelled like a LAN party
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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