saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
