there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
