So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
