Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
