i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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