Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
