I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
