just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
