Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
