The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
