Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
