Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
