Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
