i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
