Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
