Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I still have a little drunk in my system
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
