dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
