Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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