I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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