why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
