Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
