He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
