i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
