Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
