She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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