he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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