There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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