she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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