Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
