Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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