If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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