I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
