FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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