you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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