Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
